Without you

I HATE being patient, but I've got more of it than anyone else I know
I HATE having to put my self aside for something else,
but I care enough to do it
I find myself filled with a lot of that lately... this… Hate…
It sounds so weird to say it out loud… Hate…. It doesn't have a nice feeling.
I HATE-
It's just not me.
It's not how I want to be.
It doesn't sound right coming out of my mouth.
It doesn't sound right swirling through my head
why is it that I find myself constantly forcing that word out of my head.
I hate that…
there it is again,
lately It creeps up on me.
I know what causes it. I'm tired.
I'm tired of being patient and putting myself second
second for you
I hate you
I don't hate you.
I hate the power you seem to have over me
I hate that I can't hate you.
I feel helpless,
The words echo through my head. They echo through the room.
The room
This room.
I hate this room.
The room you so kindly took the time to build for me.
the room in my head.
once my sanctuary. – now my enemy.
I hate this room.
I'm forced to sit in this damp windowless room.
there is no way out. Not yet anyways.
I have to wait.
wait - And be patient.
wait…
for you.